Does the "I" have to imply Logos ?

The most momentous circumstances for which my subjective experience great potential is through the language of the socius, and the unconscious, as well through the symbolic order.  Though I look forward I must only look inward to see everyone, in that collective of symbols that pervades me to what feels like my core.  There seems to be something swirling like a galaxy within me, with a grammar, though seemingly without a center.  The closer I get to the experience of such a core more dense it becomes, the more murky, and it escapes every time it is approached.  This makes me wonder who the “I” (id or ego) is who is focusing on this linguistic quiz.  Is it the Greek idea or eidos, idol or ideology, something in oneself which one worships or an idea, or set of ideas, which one adheres to incessantly? How wonderful it would be to have the originary grammar from whence these notions come from, or the reasons why I think I have an “I.”  Is this “I” a pack of wolves, as Gilles Deleuze and Felix Guattari would suggest, or is it the “I” a board member peaking out a narrowly opened door to pass the “I” message along to those awaiting an answer, as Daniel Dennett suggests? Thus the etiology of the “I” within us; could it be rooted in something universal or the universe itself?  Is there a transpersonal, yet does the universe itself have consciousness.  There is a grammar, math of complexity, for the universe; does this imply there is order, in seeming chaos? Social insects communicate; is this the nature of it all, of the Other as distinct from me, or including me?  Must I follow Simone Weil in understanding? “We must leave on one side the beliefs which fill up voids and sweeten what is bitter. The belief in immortality. The belief in the utility of sin: etiam peccata. The belief in the providential ordering of events—in short the ‘consolations’ which are ordinarily sought in religion.” I certainly am not looking for something mystical here, just an explanation for the etiology of the subjective experience which seems so illusory.