emotions, feelings, and the heat

Simone Weil once wrote, “A situation which is too hard degrades us through the following process: as a general rule the energy supplied by higher emotions is limited. If the situation requires us to go beyond this limit we have to fall back on lower feelings (fear, covetousness, desire to beat the record, love of outward honours) which are richer in energy. This limitation is the key to many a retrogression.”  Having reached a point of no return, no power to stop me from self-destruction; but the desire (of which is not understood) propels into the present, standing firmly against the future, rooted solely in a past full horror and indignation.  Again, looking back upon the dragon, that flash of fire behind, that beast, seeing no path ahead, each step is a “leap of faith,” how can it be otherwise? Forward going is draining; as Weil attests about the grade of emotion one draws on to accomplish the overcoming of horrible, or rather “hard,” situations, which conjure-up the “lower feelings.” It is disdain felt about the past steps and fear of those and the so-called future.  Idly being in the present is safe, sitting in coals, even when feeling the heat from that spark behind, and smelling the burning, having been singed by that damn imaginary beast. Sometimes I could bet that turning around I would find nothing, no! I am sure there is nothing back there.  Once, as I begin to turn, a certain anxiety in the form of a very hot wind blows up to me.  Blasted, running in fear again.  This time like a new fledgling scurrying along trying to take flight, lower emotions take over.  As Weil has described, fear . . . oh yes, and covetousness, wishing to be the other.