Again, fear is of the potestas which Spinoza spoke of, being dominated – or – alienation
the inescapable experience attested to by psychoanalyses, like Lacanian. Lacan coined “extimacy,” whereby the other
inhabits the innermost part of who we are; would it be that my experience from
the inside/out would be inculcated by some other than what I would ideally signify? Would it blow-me-up from the inside out,
into fragments? Anxiety rules the day
with its tendency to cause the heart to stutter and sweat on the brow, clammy
hands and a shifting world. How could
something from without cause so much internal turmoil? It demonstrates somatic properties for a
phenomenon which cannot touch the body?
Or, can it? And that is the very fear of it; that it can! Yes, it can be a monstrous exigency; an
external need for angst, pushing to the edge of horizons never noted in
oneself, ever, before its grip. To
strangle from the outside; to choke from within. The desire to go beyond such bondage, to
escape that limitation and freedom found in which is the alterity and the
exterior. Prior to such trauma is readiness or fear, the
waiting on something awe-inspiring, yet at the time fragmentary, and even after
its arrival. Does it rail into me or do I run flush on into it. Neither representation nor even inkling that
such an event will take place, there is complete and utter inevitability, a
complete joy and exactitude of experience on the earth, which by the way is
acceptable and pronounced in the face of shame or remorse. Fear annihilates shame and remorse for the
standard bearer is fear or even angst.
Reducing myself to a constellation of acts or a jeweled necklace of
connectivity of conscious moments is more startling than any attempt to face
the outer or inner world. As before, the
experience of fear has outward (and inward) orientations. Hope in the face of any of these experiences
seems only a representation or a signification.
The grammar of the event is sloppy and at times incoherent.
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