Interpretation of lack and void

Simone Weil addresses my emptiness in the following way: “Not to exercise all the power at one’s disposal is to endure the void. This is contrary to all the laws of nature.“  Weil speaks this way in the context of accepting the void.  That exercise is beneficial when one is facing the void, of that which is lacking in existence.  But, can I truly accept what I desire? For Jacques Lacan, desire is the metonymy of the lack of being; no matter what, it is the want-to-be, to be something or to exist.  I desire, therefore, there is want-to-be; and that is the lack of being.  The lack is something that can never be filled.   I want-to-be rid of that which lingers behind me and I know it is not holy or divine but wholly Other.  I struggle not to circle around the object of my desire, and it certainly is not the monster (the flash) which run from; my way to my ultimate end, that which I driven toward, my goal, is to get ever closer to it.  My goal is the object of my desire, and again it is not the beast behind.   I am not quite sure what that goal-object is.  I am not conscious of my innermost desire, I admit, it must be what I sublimate. I can openly say that I feel like it is illusive and that I consciously avoid the void, the hole in my being.  That is one thing I will not detract from; my desire, I consciously believe, is to work toward something which I avoid.  Am I anxious about all of this and the many interpretations of my actions are subject to scrutiny, by others.  That is alright though; I can handle the criticism near and ahead of me, as long as I am moving forward. The burn on the back of my shoulders feels like the ice from Hades or the fire from some Hell.  That is what frightens me, is the source of my anxiety! Lacan as well indicates ‘the essential object which isn’t an object any longer, but (is) this something faced with which all words cease and all categories fail, the object of anxiety par excellence’  As I can attest that which waits behind is not an object and cannot be described with words or be put into a category, it just elicits fear.   If it were an object or could be objectified it would be anxiety in the strongest and strangest and uncanny sense, yes anxiety par excellence.