Filler-up of the void

From Simone Weil I interject that “To accept a void in ourselves is supernatural. Where is the energy to be found for an act which has nothing to counterbalance it? The energy has to come from elsewhere. Yet first there must be a tearing out, something desperate has to take place, the void must be created.” (11)  To allow for the void to be torn into me, for something to leave, to “endure the void,” which is lingering as it is filled only temporarily with the flash that I have experienced.  That flash frightened me so that the void was created, no, the void was made more obvious, became a driving force in my life. That force could have been summed-up in the form of desire, which is forever seeking to fill a lack that is common to all human experience.  As Jacques Lacan would have it: lack indicates a separation which in turn identifies an anxiety.  There I am, left trying to fill something that the flash left gaping.

So powerful, though, was that fearful moment, I am able to look lack in the face in my attempts to fill it with the desiring I do.  This is somewhat of a mystery to me that I often cannot articulate it in a fashion that I am sure the other can comprehend.   At times I feel I am the very desire itself; at other times I feel I am the lack.  Void is a trait, lack is a condition, neither is equivalent with the other one.  Again, with the voice of Weil I say that “The imagination, filler up of the void, is essentially a liar. It does away with the third dimension, for only real objects have three dimensions. It does away with multiple relationships.” (16-17)  I credit Weil with being able to know how empty life is and admire her hysteric’s yearning to fill up void, to no avail.  Yes, I would say even of Weil, she was always in pursuit of lack as well, forbidden by necessity, the way things just happen to be in the case of those who do not ignore the spontaneity of and power of the chasm opened behind us, as a shout.